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Contest Winners

Scottish American Society

May 11th was our annual Wm. Macgonagle poetry and shortbread contest.

Results were tallied by Frances Acar (shortbread) and Mary Collins (poetry).

Winners were:

1st prize in shortbread:  Betty Seeley and Pam Russell, 2nd prize: Rachel Helfin and Liz Vernon, 3rd prize, Ann Heflin

1st prize in poetry:  Julie Kennedy and Ann Heflin, 2nd prize:  Rachel & Bill Heflin, 3rd prize, Jim Frost

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A Critique Upon The Weather of Ohio

By Julie Kennedy

 

I speak to you today of regrettable Ohio weather

Which is something that inhabitants of our state would prefer to avoid altogether

For hour by hour and even minute by minute,

The weather of Northeast Ohio ever changes, and so must you and I within it.

 

First, I must mention our recent winter, which was hard, long, and cold

Throughout which the sun in the heavens was far from bold

Denying to us beneficial warmth and cheer,

And causing us to cocoon at home in polyester Snuggies, and forego cold beer

 

Oh! the long dark winter enSnuggled on the sofa with spouse and remote,

With nothing to watch on the telly that would even amuse a goat

Farewell now to thee winter, your leaving I shall not regret

Save that I can find fault in every season that I have experienced yet;

 

For now the unfettered rays of blooming springtime's sun

Do overheat the regrettably dark interior of my motorcar, for one

And sunbeams bright doth reach through auto sunroofs, solar-hot

Shining directly onto and burning poor gentlemen's bald spots.

 

Spring rains lave the parched earth, soaking us hour by hour

And just as the sun peeps out again bringing hope, there is another shower

Doomed worms across the wet pavement and sidewalk that attempt a migration

Lie dessicated, where they were trapped by the sun's conflagration

 

Spring gardening demands, and farmers exert their utmost

To plough and weed and till the dirt with manure and compost

And odiferous mulch is piled on flowerbeds throughout the nation

A material which can be handily procured at almost any gas station

 

Oh! Now bursts forth the newborn spring, for finally it is May

That month wherein one may enjoy sun, rain, and wind all in a single day

And thunder thunders forth, and lighting bolts rain, with rain so wet;

Resoundingly they doth fertilize the earth; after which I find I need a cigarette.

 

Just as the spring deluge forces repair of the rain gutters

Summer returns, and the celestial faucet stutters;

The sunshine beckons to those who fancy swimming, boating and fishing,

And causes the despairing fairer-skinned to live in air conditioning

 

And oft as not, each evening, as the grey-green skies do welter

We crouch in bathtub or in basement for a tornado shelter

The long, lazy warm evenings in the yard, bathed in gentle twilight

Mean that my circadian clock is banjaxed, and I shall not get to sleep before midnight

 

When one anticipates that September bringeth temperatures cool

Comes Indian summer, which continues to insist short pants and sandals are the rule, 

And just when you find that you are slim and can wear a sexy costume now;

An early snow at Halloween forces you to warmly dress as the hind end of a dairy cow.

 

The whirl of festivity at Christmastide from the weather distracts our attention

But after New Year comes an endless stretch of cold and dark, which does not bear mention

And when waxing light in February has numbered winter's days, so you think,

It is yet two months until May comes, and nothing to do but drink.